when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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