So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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