im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
