i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
