Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
