According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
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It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
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He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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