i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
