All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
