so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
