My friends, they love my intelligence
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
