I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
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Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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