I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
