Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
