Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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