i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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