So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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