I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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