I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
