oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
