i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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