so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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