My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
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Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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