If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
