i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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