Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
