Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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