how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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