dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Randomize
