You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
