I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
