Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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