doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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