saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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