Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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