He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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