speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think a kid would responsible me up
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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