it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Never joke about your clitoris.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
