VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
