Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
it's like heaven, but drunker
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
