We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
