the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
