I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
