i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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