There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
