She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
