Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
