I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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