I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
