did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
So squirting runs in the family.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
