he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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