just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
