the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
