I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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