If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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