i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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