Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Is it because I queefed?
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Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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