apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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