She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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