some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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