My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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