Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i may or may not be watching the land before time
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
