Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
