I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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