He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
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I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
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the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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