get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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